I’ve been reading a lot of stuff about transgender discrimination of late, specifically after the issues they’re having over in America with new legislation to insist that trans people use the bathroom of their birth gender. It’s got me thinking really, when did we become so fucking pathetic?
Firstly, you can google transgender and find some pretty big, burly men who have vaginas – if you feel that a male is a natural predator, then you are going to fully shit yourself if he waltzes into your female bathroom to have a wee, because, unless you sit on his knee in the cubical or pull some seriously dubious spy style shizang, there is no way you will know what genitals that person has. And nor should you. More to the point, nor should you care.
This, ladies and gents, is what is wrong with our world. The underlying assumption that trans people should stick in their own birth gender bathrooms is that males are predators. Take a second to think about that. Look at your sons. Are you raising them to be predators? Can they simply not be in a closed space with a female and not attack or rape her. I’m sorry guys but I’m calling bullshit. The truth is, this isn’t about protecting people anymore than victim shaming is about stopping rape culture. This is about discrimination, sexism and a whole lot of people who are too bigoted to think about what they are really saying to the future generations.
The issues that we face here, especially when paving the way for future generations, is that we are continuing a culture of making hate and discrimination acceptable, alongside promoting a “he can’t help it” attitude towards men and attacks they may place on women. I haven’t seen one person argue that the men’s bathroom is a dangerous place to go because, holy shit, a trans woman could be in there, lurking and perverted. Not one. I haven’t heard anyone claiming that their sons shouldn’t go into the bathroom because there could be someone in there who looks like a dude but has a vagina so they could be at risk of attack.
We need to stop. We need to stop this culture of acceptance that men are predators. They aren’t. Predators are predators, they come with vaginas, penises and a whole world of evil. They are not gender defined. As such, our bathrooms should’ve be either.
Answer me honestly girls, how many times have to visited the bathroom in a nightclub to find it chocka-block, and in your wine haze have thought, “nah fuck it, I’m gonna pee in the little boys room”? Were you a predator? No, you were a woman who didn’t want to que, had downed too much booze and needed to pee like a racehorse on a hot day.
I look at my husband, who stops to ask women if they need help lifting their buggy down a flight of stairs on the underground, who takes a camera off a mum of a child with special needs to get a picture of them as a family at the wrestling and I feel so sad to think that purely because of his gender he is labelled a predator. I worry that my boys will grow up to think they they can view women as something weak and for their pleasure or taking as opposed to an equal human being. At the end of the day, that is all we are really saying to people when we discriminate against transgender folks, that men are inherently dangerous and women are inherently weak – we are also telling our children that it is ok to look at someone who, god forbid, lives their life differently to the societal norm and label them as dangerous.
Do you want that for your child’s future?
At this point in our society I think gender neutral bathrooms really make more sense, after all, everyone’s shit smells.
H x
Found your blog on Twitter and loving everything I read! I’m pro gender neutral, a lot of new build pubs and restaurants are putting them in. I’m a pub manager and worked 12 years in nightclubs and a lot of people would say we can’t go gender neutral because people will have sex in the toilets…
Used to drive me nuts because the issue isn’t what goes on in the toilets, it’s how the venue manages the toilets that’s the problem!
All licensees have a duty of care to the public and part of it is monitoring the toilets and good venues will manage it to avoid ‘predators’ and eject anyone of any gender, guilty of wrongdoing but for most of the public they pee and leave with nothing dodgy.
The people against gender neutral need to open their minds because I could tell a few stories of what goes on in gender defined toilets, drugs, passing out, violence… male and female!
It would be much easier for families too, being able to take young kids to the toilet.
Only problem is… where would girls go to bitch about men on a night out? Haha!
AHh thank you! Ha, you are quite right, that would be a problem wouldn’t it – or to preach about being awesome women together!
I’ve dealt with morons disguised as Christians who have those childish “cooties,cooties!” attitudes about transgender folks and what bathrooms they feel comfortable using. You can just feel the hatred and evil emanating from their pores! I consider myself a genuine Christian,and it really frosts my butt to hear these bedbugs claim they’re Christians while they’re spewing this poison!!!Can someone make sure these monsters get new calendars, as they apparently aren’t aware it’s 2016????
LOVE this comment Michael. I consider myself agnostic, but when I think of Christian you are the type of person I think of. It is meant to be a forgiving and accepting God who loves all right?
Preeeeeach! I can’t stand discrimination, these laws are just sending us backwards x
Great read hun. Gender neutral toilets would make things easier wouldn’t it. Not everyone would be comfortable using them which is a shame xx
I think that gender neutral bathrooms as well as gender specific ones are probably the best way to *attempt* to keep everyone happy. I guess that way everybody has a choice. I do immensely dislike the presumption of men being predators xx
I totally agree about transgender rights being so important. Gender neutral toilets would be great too, for those who don’t feel that they fit into either category.
– Emily from http://www.emilyunderworld.co.uk ♡
Thanks Emily x
Omg just wrote a massive essay then the instagram pop up got in the way and took me away from the page losing the whole thing. *major sobs*
Bottom line was, I agree.
No I think it’s there Jo! I’ve got two comments from you – bloody instagram!
The thing is, this post could fit with any topic of conversation – homophobia, racism, sexism etc because it’s so true. Unfortunately the world is a shitter. And until the (hopefully now dying) age of arseholes has passed (and pray they’ve no kid’s minds nearby to warp), things will never change regardless of how much we campaign or despair.sad really.
Personally I’m not a fan of neutral bathrooms, it just feels a bit odd (even though at home we obviously share them with people of the opposite sex). But then we have neutral changing rooms at swimming pools and that’s all fine (but still male/female toilets).
I guess you just can’t know if someone’s transgender by looking at them. You assume they’re in the right room even if they look like a manly female. You just wouldn’t challenge it if they were acting normally in a toilet.
It really does make you wonder about the world we live in doesn’t it. I think it’s awful that discrimination like this exists and that people try to justify it with lies. I think a lot does stem from that fear of the unknown or different – but until we all learn a bit more about each other this fear is going to exist. I haven’t seen any gender neutral bathroom but I think they would be a good idea
Just read some of the comments Jenni – it’s about education and not persecuting one group of people because of a select few individuals!
I totally agree- gender neutral bathrooms are definitely the way to go. I hate any discrimination xxx
Me too!
That bathroom law actually passed in my state. Thankfully, a lot of people are protesting the decision.
Really? What utter bullshittery, it boils my blood.
I agree, and the discrimination makes me so sad. We really haven’t come to far in this world at all, still the same old bigotry and intolerance x
Absolutely!
So many important points you raised here, thank you for writing about something we all need to fight a little harder for!
Thanks Sam, as you can see form some comments, there is a long way to go.
This all the way! I hate the world my daughter is growing up in and I’m doing everything in my power to try and not let her become an arsehole. I have so much to say on this matter but I just can’t even put them into words, it makes me angry and sad but all I can say is gender neutral bathrooms all the way or at least the option of one along with a regular male/female one in every place xx
Exactly, in the same way that they don’t want to pee with trans people because, well they “could be dangerous or make them uncomfortable”, I’m not really into peeing with bigots… assholelry could be catching!
Interesting post. I think we all just need to understand each other more and walk in each others shoes.
Totally agree Georgina.
I think it is sad we are still so unexcepting in many ways – I wish people would just try and walk in someone elses shoes sometimes. x
Absolutely – this isn’t about “protection” it’s about discrimination against a group of people!
I completely agree that we are continuing a culture of hate and discrimination by enforcing rules like this and it needs to stop if we want things to be different by the time our kids grow up.
Amen to that Laura!
Interesting poster, I think it’s tough because people are so used to thinking about the worst in people that innocent people are being targetted as predators and things when they’re just trying to live their lives x
Very true Rhian, these are innocent people who have done nothing to deserve this.
Exactly this! I worry what world my boys are being raised in, especially as being boys with all the flak the male species seem to be taking for everything at the moment. People are people. You get good. You get bad. You get everything inbetween.
Exactly, the truth is a trans-woman is more likely to be attacked in a male bathroom for hate than anything else.
Wow i had no idea… thats pretty shocking since living in the 21st century you’d think we’d be more excepting. Obviously not which is so sad… its just feel of the unknown thats all… we all need more education!
You would think so wouldn’t you?
I agree with you Harriet. I just know that I believe everyone is equal and we need to be careful to accommodate everyone in our society regardless of their gender etc. x
Thanks Tanita
I definitely agree with you. It’s sickening. Wasn’t it in the news a few months ago about how a transgender woman ended up in a male prison? How she repeatedly told them that she’s not male but female, but they also insisted that they had to go with her birth gender. It’s just sad really 🙁
It was, it is disgusting. She would be brutalised and not because of “male violence” but because of hate. Because of discrimination. Because SHE is different.
That transwoman had what she called a 7inch surprise and had committed eight violent assaults, described as having a worryingly violent record.
Not a trans woman, that was a man disguised as a woman… those are different things I’m afraid.
It is a shame that there are so many people out there that still judge.. It’s 2016 for heavens sake! Everyone has a cubical in the toilets so I am not sure why anyone would get so fussed up about it
I know Beth, so sad!
I think a lot of discrimination is due to fear of the unknown. I have friends who are gender binary and people simply do not know how to react. In an ideal world, those people should be treated no differently to you or I, we know that, yet still there are labels and judgments x
Exactly Rachel, I’ve just had the conversation on twitter because of such ignorance.
I think neutral bathrooms to accommodate all should be made available as honestly I am probably one of those who would see a transgender (guy) and think they are in the wrong toilet
Absolutely agree Anosa!
LOVE THIS POST! “It’s got me thinking really, when did we become so fucking pathetic?” <– right on. Some people just enjoy sticking their noses into other people's business (and underwear).
Thanks Becca!
It is really important to bring my kids up to not be assholes and to be accepting. We have a couple of trans friends, so it will always be an open thing.
Thats awesome Dannii, a few people could do to change their attitudes and think more like you!
What an absolutely spot on post! The stupidity of some people amazes me. I work for the Police and certainly know that predators come in all shapes, sizes, genders, races, sexuality and beliefs. People need to use bathrooms. I don’t care what bit of biological kit you have down there – can’t we just be respectful to everyone?!?!?
EXACTLY! You are no more likely to be attacked in a bathroom than anywhere else but for a transwoman to be forced to identify herself as trans and go to a male bathroom is FAR more likely to be attacked for hate.
I sometimes hate society and think they know what best but forcing that person to do what society want you to do cause it’s ‘right’. Yeah, I see what you mean. It’s stupid! Trans shouldn’t have to be put in that situation. People need to wake up! Instead of worrying other things that are more important than telling trans to stick to the gender they are born with just to use the toilet? I’m done. It’s just a toilet we all piss and take a shit.
Word!!!
You know there is no such thing as birth gender?
The overwhelming majority of predators are male.
Males do not alter violent or sexual crime rates with transition.
Men are more likely to be stronger and more violent, women weaker and less so. This isn’t prejudice, these are observable facts. Do I raise my boys to embrace this violent and sexual persona that men are supposed to have? No. Does that negate the fact that men cause women harm? No. Do I read news of women being murdered in their own homes and instantly assume their partner or ex partner did it? Yes. Am I always right? Yes.
So should we just allow anyone in women’s space? Demolish it altogether?
If you are born with a penis and that is turned into a vagina, you are henceforth a woman. Therefore you no longer have the same gender as your birth. Birth gender. That’s no hard.
You are right, males tend to be the most commonly prosecuted for predatory behaviour… so we persecute trans people for that? All men are predators because of that? Are you always right about a perception that a male is ALWAYS the one to harm a woman in her home after a previous sexual relationship? Nope… pretty confident those teenage girls who attacked the middle age woman and beat her to death not so long ago were not male… or trans.
So should we allow anyone into the bathroom to pee irrespective of their genitals, therefore abolishing women’s bathrooms because, holy shit, some guy might be a predator? I’m going to go with yes. Gender neutral is fine with me. And with regards to the changing rooms, again, a man isn’t going to look at a nude woman and go on auto-rape… so yep, no issue with that either, you can always use a private cubical. This is about bathrooms, is the US, not all spaces, although it could apply to that.
So you’re a bit confused about what sex is and gender.
Gender is a set of rules to live by according to your biological sex, these rules are not fixed and more enlightened people choose to ignore many of them. As an example I fix stuff, my husband cooks, my kids play with whatever they like and wear whatever they like. My youngest son liked dressing up as a princess for a while… not trans.
Sex is a biological fact and absolute, you cannot change your sex. A man cannot be a woman, nor a woman be a man. A man can live as a woman, but he’ll never really *know* what it’s even like to feel like a woman, as that cannot be known. It’s rather like religion, people can believe and feel that there is a God but they don’t *know*.
Not all men are predators, but men are more likely than women to be predators. As a married woman and mother of three sons I’m very much aware that when we speak of men we are talking about men as a group, not as individuals.
Two women a week, in the UK, are murdered by ex partners. Bringing up the odd case of violent women does not negate the fact that men are more violent. You only have to tune in to the news for 15 minutes to know that to be true.
Crime stats in the UK show that 31,508 men were arrested for sexual violence and 947 women, violence against a person saw 61,802 women arrested and 315,508 men. So the data is there to support that men are indeed more violent than women. 91% of all people charged with sexual violence are men.
Then we go onto what that means for transwomen, crime study of inmates in California shows that men do not alter their crime rate with transition and so when considering trasnwomen we must remember that they commit crime like men.
We must also note that 70% of transwomen have not altered their bodies at all.
Noone is talking about auto rape (which I assume you mean rape, not having sex with a car against their will) when discussing transwomen in the changing room, we are talking about safe spaces where women don’t have to alter their behaviour around their own sex to accommodate a biological male. Not many transwomen pass and the inclusion of them in women’s space for some women is unwelcome. These women will outweigh transwomen by 1000s.
Before asserting than no man or transwoman ever would try and cause harm to women in women’s space perhaps you should read up.
Not all of the criminals listed identify as women/are described as transgender but all went to great lengths to present as female in order to access women’s spaces with criminal intent.
Men dressed as women committing offences in toilets UK and ROI
Serial offender changed into women’s clothes to commit multiple offences – attempted rape in public toilet.
http://www.westernmorningnews.co.uk/Cross-dresser-branded-high-risk-women/story-16994889-detail/story.html
Disguised as a woman in order to peep. Expressed gratitude he was caught as felt his offending could have escalated.
http://www.birminghammail.co.uk/news/local-news/bullring-toilet-pervert-who-wore-154191
Shouldn’t have been in Ladies – accidentally exposed himself to a child. 6 month suspended sentence “A very unsavoury offence”
http://www.leinsterexpress.ie/news/local-news/97436/69-year-old-exposed-himself-to.html
Toilet and changing room offences worldwide committed by offenders in women’s clothing
Transgender sex offender wearing women’s clothes to perve at children changing
http://www.oregonlive.com/oregon-city/index.ssf/2011/10/cross-dressing_sex_predator_se.html
Man dresses as a woman “I wanted to see women naked”
http://www.japantimes.co.jp/news/2003/11/27/national/man-caves-in-to-voyeuristic-needs/
Man dressed as woman peeping in toilets
http://www.nbcwashington.com/news/local/Man-Dressed-as-Woman-Spies-Into-Mall-Bathroom-Stall-in-Virginia-Police-Say-332934761.html
Woman punched in face for questioning cross-dresser’s presence in a toilet
http://www.sptimes.com/News/92599/Pasco/Cross_dressing_man_se.shtml
Man in Barbie costume attacks woman in toilet
http://fox5sandiego.com/2014/03/02/man-in-barbie-costume-attacks-woman-in-bathroom/
Man dresses as woman to video women in toilet
http://ktla.com/2013/05/14/da-cross-dressing-man-secretly-videotaped-women-in-macys-bathroom/#ixzz2TKsMicgJ
Man just wearing women’s knickers attacks girl, 8
http://www.news9.com/story/23443942/homeless-man-arrested-wearing-womens-panties-accused-of-assaulting-young-girl-in-okc-gas-station-bathroom
Pervert dresses as woman to tape women in toilet
http://www.nbclosangeles.com/news/local/Secret-Recording-Store-Mall-Antelope-Valley-Palmdale-Restroom-207541101.html
Man in bra and wig arrested in bathroom. Admits took a shower in girls’ locker room “for sexual gratification”
http://www.seattlepi.com/local/article/Police-Man-in-bra-and-wig-found-in-women-s-3414089.php
I’ve noticed that in America your basic rights for women and people with disabilities are pretty crap. Many people talk about not being able to help a loved one into a toilet, perhaps you should campaign to afford people with disabilities the dignity of a disabled toilet (we have this is in the UK, it’s law, you have to provide access).
And one final thing. You are aware that someone could win the women’s 100m in Rio this year with a beard and a penis as long as they’ve lived as a woman for one year…..
Wow. So essentially, penalising a whole community because there is a potential for violence? What drivel. Anyone can site articles in favour or against, it’s easy to do, the fact remains that you said you were ALWAYS right that it was a former partner attacking a women. You aren’t.
This is about excluding a TRANS person from a bathroom because, boo hop, what they have between their legs *might* offend someone. I hate to break it to you but trans women have been sharing a bathroom with you for years, its not new and it’s never been an issue before. To say they will never experience what it is to be a woman is hurtful, offensive and plain wrong – how do you suppose a person born with both a penis and a vagina survives, after all according to your logic they will never be either.
The attacks you’ve sited are MEN dressed as women, attackers, who quite frankly would find a way to attack someone anyway, they were predators. It’s the way it goes, they just thought that would be an easy option – I don’t feel the need to persecute a whole group of people for fear of these people. Otherwise (again by your logic) we couldn’t have male nurses because statistically they are more dangerous right?
It’s bigotry, its not fear of attack.
What a fantastically worded blog post. I completely agree with everything you said. I wouldn’t mind neutral gender toilets at all, like you said “all shit smells” ?
Exactly Kelly, exactly.
This is a great article. I actually think neutral bathrooms are the way to go and maybe even to have three in busy places, male, female and gender neutral so that people can choose. It wouldn’t do any harm to have three in a busy establishment. Thanks for writing this.
Such a positive outlook. The argument is that once bathrooms become gender neutral, what will happen to changing rooms and other segregated spaces? Again, I wouldn’t see an issue, I use private ones anyway!
I have so much feeling about this but don’t know how to put it into words! Firstly, I can’t believe that legislation exists. Did they learn nothing from the days of black segregation? It’s like going back in time!
I see your point with the whole unisex bathroom thing too, although I think men may object to having to wait longer!
YES Jules. Just YES! I never thought of it like that but it does smack of black segregation. We are far too concerned with gender in the modern world and as such we perpetuate that it’s ok for men to dominate and abuse women because, its in their makeup hey? No. Just No.
Great post- totally agree. And as a bonus, gender neutral bathrooms would help balance out the queues for the ladies v no queues for the gents!
Yes they would! High five for that!
I agree, that is ridiculous! I see more and more neutral gender bathrooms in restaurants. In my old work building when they built in 5 years ago, they just had neutral gender bathrooms and no one said anything about it. It makes much more sense. We all use the same bathrooms at home or in other people’s house, so why not when you are out and about. I know it confuses my daughter when she has to go in a different toilet with daddy at our local garden centre, than when she is with mummy. x
Absolutely! The worst thing is, women have been peeing with trans women for years and no one gave a shit (pun intended).