Recently my children were on Easter hols… all three of them… at the same time… It was like a tidal wave swept over the house and they were constantly bickering, playing and having fun. While I did get the chance to join in sometimes, I spent the majority of the holidays strapped to my office chair and the days that I did sneak away from work in order to grab some precious time with the kids (bearing in mind I forged this career just for the purpose: to be with my kids) I paid for it dearly after they went to bed, with the midnight oil burning away so I could still meet work deadlines.
Hardly a healthy way to live is it? There has to be some give somewhere – and this isn’t just a holiday thing. This is frequent, something always comes up and I spend my time being a busy bee instead of being the mother and wife that I really WANT to be.
New research from Bupa shows that in Britain only 5% of us pause during the day and take time out compared to 60% back in 1997 when the Spice girls were busting a move telling us about Girl Power and the such. What Scary and her team didn’t predict was that 20 years on the social pressures of our new techy world mean that we are less and less likely to switch off or “stop right now” (see what I did there?).
This week I’ve teamed up with Bupa to take time out, not for an hour or two but out OUT (Peter Kay eat your heart out) and embrace those moments of rest, those moments that are slipping us all by where we can recover from a day spent staring at a computer screen and give the dry, sore eyes a rest or the aching neck a bit of time to relax. A bit of time to enjoy life and actually step back and play with our children, be it on a computer game or in the garden, that quality time of life that we’re not celebrating or embracing enough as a society anymore. I can attest to the fact that being non-stop, pushing yourself to the limits and being on the go 24/7 is celebrated by society and how that is exacerbated by social media. What you see on the pixels will never be the full story.
The blunt truth is that I set up this career (which I adore and wouldn’t trade for the world – don’t get me wrong) so that I could be flexible around my children, so that I could connect with other mothers – I didn’t set it up so that I could work myself into the ground like a machine. I’m simply not a machine – and neither are you. The sleepless nights with a breastfeeding toddler, the battles to get ready for the school run and do homework on time, the constant school events… they all take their toll on you eventually and then suddenly you forget to enjoy these things. The tender moments in the night with Edith, the sweet way that Toby struggles to put his shoes on without the prompt for the “right way round” because he’s still so little and the swell of pride when Reuben gets an award in a school parent assembly. I would hate for them to think I would rather be on my phone or my computer – I wouldn’t, but there is that pressure to succeed and we need to reassess what “success” is sometimes. Balance. Success is balance.
One of the things I didn’t know about Bupa was that you don’t actually need health insurance or a contract, they have a range of treatments and services, from GP appointments to physiotherapy (hello aching neck) and so much more, on a pay as you go basis. As silly as it might sound, I wish I had known this when I felt like I was suffering with post-natal depression because after finally (over a year) plucking up the courage to go to see the doctor and acknowledging that I wasn’t taking an appointment away from someone more deserving. Fortunately I have a wonderful support network and I managed to take a step back, talk with my family and friends (and a lot of you on Instagram too) and take enough time for myself to begin to feel better. That is another thing that I wholeheartedly support about Bupa – they advocate looking at health and wellbeing wholly, and they believe that taking time out of your mental schedule, taking time to breath and realise that life is going on around you while you are so crazy busy, is vital for recovery and wellness in a fuller sense.
If you would like more information about Bupa pay as you go, then visit bupa.co.uk/_payg.
Be kind to yourself, you’re the only you there is and the world is poorer without you.
H x
I make sure I take 20-30 minutes every single evening for a bath on my own! It’s not much but it’s just for me!
I read this all the way through and nodded. I deliberately went away at Easter for a week to spend time with my boy, and then had to find places with wifi to address deadlines. Still wouldn’t change back to my old career though.