“Daddy can we build a track today?!”
It’s never mummy, and you know why? Because I can’t play. I hate it. I cook, I clean, I cuddle, I love, I bathe, I draw, I bake, I read stories, I paint and I even help with the set up of play… But I truly detest getting involved in imaginary play.
When I was first a mummy to Reuben, I used to kid myself that I didn’t mind. I could definitely enjoy a good play, of course I could, I would be thrilled to sit and play Raa Raa with you for 7 hours while you smack my hand with the Raa Raa figure for the millionth time darling. Of course.
Then the fucks train ran dry and I came to the realisation that “playtime” just isn’t my thing – and that is a-ok. I am not the mummy that will relish the chance to sit and set up track for them to knock down (like for real, I *just* built that shit, are you kidding me?!) or will play doctors or kitchens. I’ve had multiple kids literally on purpose to avoid having to go there (not the only reason…). I absolutely adore to take on the role of spectator but all I can think during playtime is a strange mixture of “kill me now” and “I could so be doing xyz instead of sat here banging a dinosaur up and down”. Which I think is sad because I really WANT to love playtime… I juuust don’t.
My husband is a total contrast to me, he loves playing. In fact, that man is a boss when it comes to the train track building, car driving mayhem that is playtime in our house. One could never say that it is not his “thing”. Many a time I have sat watching from the sidelines while he and the boys mastermind an elaborate track that has everything a child could possibly dream of. I have sat by and smiled as they have spent hours setting up wonderful zoo scenes for their animals and dinos, but I haven’t been even slightly tempted to join in.
With everything in life, we all have our own niche, things that we excel at and stuff we do upon occasion because there is no one else to do it and we feel we have to. Sharon in the office might be a whizz at accounting, but she ain’t no marketing genius like Janet, Janet owns that shit. The same is true for this parenting gig, some of it comes naturally – we excel at it and we can do it with our eyes closed, but other bits are a serious drain on the system. The difference, I think with parenting, is that unlike the daily grind of a day job, we actually feel a desperation to be good at it all, to rock out every aspect and that just doesn’t happen. I struggle to believe that there is anyone out there who can honestly say they are truly delighted with every parenting task, every angle of their life with their children and the roles they are expected to fulfil. It all boils down to parent guilt, that cruel and uncaring wench who hangs around our necks like a cheap scarf. Parenting guilt suckers you in and it becomes almost impossible to shake her off.
I used to look at Adam playing with the boys and bringing such joy to their little faces with his silly games and effortless fun, and I’d wonder why I wasn’t naturally like that. Then one day Toby fell outside and cracked his noggin on the concrete, as his bizarrely clumsy self is wont to do. He blitzed past Daddy who was supervising (please, dear reader, note that: it was DADDY on duty, not me *beams with pride*) up the stairs and into my arms while I was running a bath. It suddenly all clicked for me. I’m Sharon in the office, filing my accounting and doing it like a boss. Sure, I could do marketing but I wouldn’t do especially well at it like Janet. I have become quite happy to announce “ask your dad” when the boys ask for playtime, and watch from the sidelines, just like Daddy is content to eat the biscuits from our productive baking session.
What is your parenting fortay and what are you not a legend at?
H x
I really struggle with playing too! I’m good if we’re playing a game – with rules. But I can’t stand it if we make a train track only to have it ripped up in seconds. It’s not easy this parenting lark!
We are the same! I hate playing with kids. I’m sorry, it’s just not fun for me! I’ll do anything else. I’d rather iron the entire wardrobe than an hour of play time… but my husband loves it and I can tolerate it in small bursts, so that works out fine for us. I love reading books with him and my husband hates reading so that works out well for us. Hubbie can play with him for an hour before bed and then I’ll read his bedtime story. Teamwork 🙂
Absolutely! Team work at it’s finest!
I can totally relate to this, I’m definitely the one the kids run to when they need comfort and the one they open up to, but playing imaginatively just doesn’t come naturally!
Love the honesty, I clicked the link thinking this would be a shock title to entice people in. Then I started reading and realised it wasn’t, I was a little shocked as I was reading but by the end you’ve nailed it and I completely understand. I love playing playing with my kids, would do it all day if I could. Don’t think my wife shares my enthusiasm, but that’s maybe because she is home all the time just now and is constantly being asked to play.
My husband is the same as you – he loves to play! Loves it. He would do it all the time, whereas I just find imaginative play really tough. Now imaginative story time? Making up stories in the woods on a walk… that’s different. Or baking. Making slimes etc. All things I love doing with them. I think it’s just a way of saying we’re all different and that you can enjoy a variety without getting hung up on one thing.
Thank you for writing this. I have never wanted to admit this but you’ve given me the courage. I was frighten by what others (society) would think of me if I ever said this out loud but I was also dealing with my own judgement. When I was pre-parenthood and I imagined myself as a parent I thought there would be so many things I would love and enjoy and how I would be this perfect parent. Then in reality lots of those things just didn’t hold together and one of those is loving some of the ways I play with my kids. Not only has this post made me have the courage to admit this to myself and others but it has also helped in reframing my thinking. So I don’t like doing some forms of play but I do enjoy and am good at talking to my kids, listening to the things they want to tell me (these are often rambling and not making huge amount of sense!!) but I engage with them on this and have the patience to do it, my partner doesn’t. And this kind of reframing will apply to other things. Thank you again.
Hurrah an honest post about motherhood! My confession is that I cannot stand parks and playgrounds. I’ve been a mum for 14 years (tomorrow!) and have finally come out about being bored rigid by them!
I love your honesty! I am totally relate to this x
I’m not a parent yet but I think I would probably find the whole make believe playing very hard as Im not very imaginative! xxx
Oh it is refreshing to read this! I don’t actually hate playing with Pickle, I just put it off if I can. I am not great at crafting – the thought…the mess… when we do do it, it is actually ok, I guess 😉 Kaz x
I think that painting and reading stories with your kids is a form of play and between you and your husband you have all bases covered:-) The perfect team:-)
I enjoy playing with my kids most days. It depends on my mood to be honest. Sometimes I enjoy watching them play.
Yes! This is me too! My husband can sit and play cars with our boys and he is always the one they want. Sometimes I do wonder if I don’t play with them enough and that’s why they see daddy as the ‘fun’ one. Like you, it’s not an area I really enjoy and do find it a bit tedious! However painting, baking, general exploring with them and being the caring mother when they are hurt or sad… that shit I have nailed!
Love the honesty and you are so right.
Myself I love playing, I like teaching them games now they are getting older and reliving a bit of childhood. On the other hand, our house has no organisation, I’m slack with discipline and have never quite got the hang of routine (despite knowing the lack of is where most of my stress comes from)
I can totally relate to this! Don’t get me wrong I love playing with my two, but I couldn’t do it all day everyday. My husband works in a nursery so he’s got the playing with kids thing down, and he loves it! xx
I hate the monotonous play that my nearly 1 year old does. Put in it in the box, take it out of the box x 1000.
Society makes us feel like we need to love every moment but it’s refreshing to know that not everyone does!
Clare xz