If there is one thing I really notice about Reuben when we are with friends or I am watching him in the playground, it’s his distinct need to man manage EVERYONE.
I call this “the oldest sibling default setting”.
As an only child myself, I never really noticed how different kids are with siblings to how they are as only children – that isn’t to suggest one is better or lesser than the other, just that there is a whopping contrast. A few weeks ago, in full summer holiday throttle, my beautiful friend Hannah invited us to come to the beach to spend the day getting sandy, chin wagging and enjoying some beach fun. Her son is a single child, and I have never noted this “default setting” in Reuben more than when we were with him building sand castles.
Hannah nipped off to the loo and left me in charge of the wee beasties (I know, brave woman!). I figured they were already interested in the sand castle set that we bought Reuben and Toby when they were little and took along to play with – it’s a special sand castle builder from Quut. You pack one shape full and then place the another until you have three tiers. Hannah’s little man wanted to have a go and instantly Reuben jumped forward to offer his assistance. “Oh you do it like this, let me show you!” To which his little friend said “no, I know what to do. I can do it.”
Instantly Roo was stumped. His friend isn’t that much younger, just between Toby and Reuben, but he hadn’t played with this toy before and, well, what does an older brother do if he can’t show you how to do it first?
“It’s ok, I’ll show you. That’s it… you’re doing it right… but I’ll just… can I just… if you just give me the scoop I’ll show you a better way… erm… yes, you got it… do you want to play something else now?”
His need to help, to get involved and to dictate was totally overwhelming for him. It’s not a lack of seeing self sufficiency either – not at all. Both Toby and Edith can be totally deflated sufficient and they don’t automatically defer to him for everything (though Edith does more than Toby because she’s still so little and she has what I call “baby default” where she lets everyone do her bidding… clever puss.) The difference between my younger two and friend’s who have single children, is that mine almost allow Roo to take that role. It’s one of the reasons Reuben and Toby come to blows of late because Toby is allowing him less and less to be dominant, to take the lead, to manage.
Do you have this with your kids?
H 🙂 x
