“No more camera mum” :: Is it exploitation?

Obviously the answer to the proverbial question “Is blogging exploiting kids” is a big fat no. That being said, there comes a point in every parent’s life, but especially for those who work in blogging and flogging, where your kids suddenly decide that they don’t want to be involved in family stuff or have any pictures taken.

With Reuben, we seem to have reached that point.

I suppose the question then becomes an ethical one doesn’t it? Do you exclude your older children? Change your job completely so that they are no longer a fundamental part of your career choice (usually meaning you won’t have the flexibility around them or be there at their beck and call) and therefore you aren’t reliant on them being happy to be in the pictures and videos? Do you tell them to buckle up and get on with it?

I guess we’ve gone for a mix of everything really.

We don’t make Roo be involved in anything. Just before Christmas we did a little photoshoot (code for “I made everyone get dressed up and then stuck the tripod in the living room”) with us all dressed as santas and elves. After about 10-15 minutes of various daftness caught on camera, Reuben declared that he had had enough and didn’t want to be involved anymore. I asked him if he would like to do some pictures of just me and him being silly and he said no – that was the end of that then. No more Reuben in the pictures. I think in that instance you have to respect what your child is saying to you, don’t you?

What about the times when it’s for a brand though?

Well, again, Roo has the opportunity to say yes or no. When we collaborated with Birds Eye last year, Reuben came along to their head office to do some filming and a part of him being there was to have him involved in the shoot. He came in for two minutes, didn’t really want to say his lines – not because he was being a little swine, but because he was nervous, a perfectly normal reaction for anyone – and that was absolutely fine. Again, he has to have a say in this because, well it’s not his career choice, it’s mine. I asked him if he would take some pictures and sit there colouring whilst I said my lines because it was really important (though the director and filming crew were totally happy to take his lead – amazingly professional) and he was perfectly happy with that. He had a chaperone to play with, was gifted some lovely new toys and he loved it once he got over his nerves. There was no pressure to get over those nerves either, if he didn’t want to do it then, well, we would have had to work around that and – to some extent – we did.

Then comes the times when he is flat out declaring no involvement at all and this is where I suppose I blur the line between making him be a part of things and respecting his wishes to be exempt.

At 6 years old Roo doesn’t have the option to exclude himself entirely from everything, and despite understanding the arguments I’ve read from various bloggers to respect their child’s wishes to not be involved in anything, from personal family photography all the way through to paid promos, that ain’t happening in this house and I have a very simple reason why. At 6, I really think children are too young to start declaring they don’t want to be involved in family pictures. They are too young to start telling you that they don’t want to see any pictures of themselves hanging around and I have to question why any child would have such low self esteem that they couldn’t bare to see pictures of themselves – speaking from experience as I had this very problem, I would have alarm bells. I don’t care what he thinks, I adore his beautiful face, I love the very bones of him, so I will take his photo. Always. Even when he’s a moody teen.

What I do think a 6 year old has the right to dictate is whether or not those photos are used constantly online.

When I talk to Reuben about doing “work with mummy” I do a few things . Firstly, I let him know it is work. Always. He knows that I am taking these photos for my instagram, for my blog, videos for youtube, for paid work and for content work. He’s aware of that, so I guess my first thing is making him aware that this is what I do for a living and that these are things I will be using in that capacity.  I try to curate my feed and any advertising I do so that my kids will get max enjoyment out of taking part, so that helps make things A LOT easier and of course we only work with brands that WE like, not just me, but all of us, so I know that it’s something that they will enjoy eating/playing with/doing. Roo has an interest in gaming at the mo so he’s asked to be a part of a youtube video and I think that will be really important for him in encouraging him and I also want to teach him how to use an editing system!

Secondly, I reiterate that this lifestyle that we have, where we can go on holidays and things, where he can have gifts and where I can be at home and stop working at the drop of a hat if one of them is poorly, is a privilege that not many children or adults have and it is because of the type of work I do. I think there is something really important about instilling in children that nothing comes for free in life (or it shouldn’t) and you have to work for it. I have to work and if he wants me to be able to do that from home, I have to have his help from time to time.

Lastly, on the occasion when I require more than just a bit of modelling or they aren’t being gifted a toy they want, they aren’t getting to go somewhere amazing like we did when we worked with the fabulous Universal last year, I cut my kids in. Yeah, you read that right. Whatever fee I know I have commanded from advertising I will give my children a part if they have helped me with reviewing something or they have helped me by doing a photoshoot, mainly Reuben as Toby and Edith as still a little bit young. This might only be £5 towards something of their choosing but I think in this industry, and indeed in all walks of life, but especially this industry, we have to teach children that there is value in their time, that we respect their time and that we respect their efforts in helping us. Children frequently do chores for pocket money, so to me when my children are involved in my business, I think it’s important to show them that *doing* means earning and that if they are willing to put effort into something and give up their time, then this is what they are rewarded with, just like me.

Now I’m not suggesting that I do this every time or that I have my kids slaving away like little promotion tools, not at all. I am so lucky to work in an industry where they are a part of my work life and I can give them experiences that they will adore and that will be amazing, purely because they are a part of my work. I love that. They love that. This isn’t some admission that I force my children to do stuff, rather a way to say that we can ask our children to be a part of our businesses with respect, compassion and turn our work into a life lesson, a tool to teach.

H x