Mum flu vs Man Flu

To quote my friend Laura from Life with Baby Kicks: MUM DOWN!! Guys, I am feeling so poorly. Like so so poorly. My chest hurts, my head aches, I am totally bunged up and I feel dire. I don’t really get poorly terribly often but one of the things I have noticed is that when I do, I get Mum Flu.

What is Mum Flu? Well, it is significantly different to Man Flu, which is what Adam gets… shall we investigate:

Mum Flu:

• Gets the kids up, dressed, fed and to school. Might be slightly delayed and look like Halloween fancy dress started early but everything else will remain the same.

Man Flu:

• Wakes up, goes back to sleep. Either mum takes over or the kids get a day off and are allowed to forage in the kitchen to practice their survival skills.

Mum Flu:

• Goes to work, takes a lemsip or goes home and starts the usual daily chores.

Man Flu:

• Calls in sick. Stays in bed. Calls for help from mother, wife, friends… local vicar.

Mum Flu:

• Does the banking, answers the phone, sorts out paper work for the eldest school trip, continues on as normal.

Man Flu:

• What? Why would he do that? HE’S IN BED.

Mum Flu:

• Collects the kids. Starts the dinner. Considers if she’s overdosed on caffeine or day nurse. Get’s on with it.

Man Flu:

• Um, the kids are downstairs watching the 4th Disney movie in a row and they have boxes of cereal out from breakfast… what are you wanting from this wounded soldier? He needs to rest.

Mum Flu:

• Borks through baby change activities, breastfeeds, does without medication to make sure it doesn’t affect the bloody breastmilk.

Man Flu:

• Requests wife, mother, family member or vicar makes funeral arrangements and strokes head. Demands 2 hourly medication is brought to him.

Mum Flu:

• Bathes the kids, puts the kids to bed and tries to rest a bit on the sofa whilst wondering when the fuck her husband/partner is going to notice that she’s actually ill enough to be panting like she’s run a marathon (which should raise all the alarms because she rarely runs. Period.)

Man Flu:

• Knows that children have been put to bed. Makes third soup request of the day and sobs quietly into pillow between sneezing and watching Match of the Day Best bits.

Mum Flu:

• Goes to bed with Night Nurse, wakes up 3 times for the baby and kids.

Man Flu:

• Stays put. Sleeps blissfully. Wakes refreshed and healthy.

 

Obviously it should go without saying that this is totally tongue in cheek – it’s sexist of me to generalise but this really is what it’s like in our house (and Adam, by his own volition, is shit when people are ill but expects the earth when he has a sniffle.) so I thought some might relate and hey dads, if this is the flip in your house, feel free to flip the words so no one gets offended. Tis really only a giggle to make me feel better when I’m poorly!

H 🙂 x