“You’re a mean mummy!”
I’ve lost count this week of how many time I’ve had that delightful phrase thirst at me this week and the reasons for it too.
This particular time was because I wouldn’t drive through to York to buy YET ANOTHER toy for Reuben because, well, he hurt his neck and we didn’t have plans on that Saturday, so if Daddy is off work and we don’t have plans then we almost always end up toy shopping. Who does that? What is the primitive need that my husband has to go to Toy’s R Us on a random Saturday, just because? I HATE it. So after saying no, being undermined twice, and finally saying “NO”, I was labelled the “mean mummy” once again.
I’m a mean mummy when I say no to chocolates, a mean mummy when I say no to staying up too late and a mean mummy when I won’t make dinner cook faster because I’m not a fucking wizard.
I’m always a mean mummy. It doesn’t matter that I have scrapes all over my knuckles from building Toby’s guinea pig house that morning (at 7.42am – who wants to build a guinea pig house at 7.42am on a Saturday? WHO WANTS TO OWN A GUINEA PIG??), or that I had been up since 5.20am with Edith or that I had resisted the urge to hadouken her when she “got my nose” a little too roughly. No, that’s all irrelevant. I’m still a mean mummy.
You know what else I am?
I’m an invisible mummy. I can suggest something and it’s wrong, a bad idea, no one wants to get on board, but daddy suggests the exact same thing and, shit the bed, it’s a hallelujah moment, he might as well have cured cancer. He’s THE best. His ideas (usually prompted by my ideas the night before) and AMAZINGGGGG. I’m the mean one usually coming up with some boring, horrible reason that we can’t do some sporadic idea he’s had, you know, like we don’t have the money or the tide is in and we’d drown trying to rock pool. What a bitch.
I’m also the undermined mummy. “No you can’t” is met with an eye raise and a swagger off to go and ask another, more accommodating adult. Invariably this isn’t the other adult’s fault, it’s because they didn’t know that they were the second (sometimes third or fourth) in a chain of no. Upon occasion I will just be told “Oh it doesn’t matter” but it does. Sure, now it’s chocolate and an extra 30mins out of bed, but eventually it will progress to other things and, to be blunt, it makes me feel a tiny touch ragey.
What exactly, dear reader, is the point to me? I feel so bloody under appreciated that I’m floating around not really sure what to do with myself. Between “Can I have…?” And “I want…” I really feel like throwing the towel in and emigrating to a far off corner of the world, throwing the V’s out as I go. It really doesn’t matter what I give, what I do, what part of me I dedicate, it’s never enough. It’s NEVER enough, and I’m a bit fed up of it.
I’m a mean, undervalued, invisible mummy who is here to whack out a boob on demand (unless she self serves – always a treat), cook dinner and do the proverbial taxi to and from school and I’ll be honest, at the moment I’m not really feeling the whole parenthood thing, but apparently it’s not cool to just waltz off into the sunset with a margarita and your shades on. Then they would miss me. Then they would notice that all those ideas, all those nasty “no’s” were for a reason: because I love them and I want the best, but someone also has to be the voice of reason and the grown up.
Does anyone else ever want to just shout “fuck this” and hop off on a jolly?
Have been feeling very unappreciated lately! Whatever I do also not enough!
Daddy works away currently so I am mean, boring mummy!
My eight year old has turned into Kevin the teenager!!
My three year old just laughs and does as he likes!
My six year old presently is in my good books , thank god one of them can listen and I don’t have to have a full scale argument with all three just to do every day tasks!!
Daddy walks in the door and it’s like he walks on water!
At least Toys r us York is closing! ?
Xx
I told my youngest daughter (5) that I wasn’t coming home from work the next day because she was being so naughty.
I very much wish to escape to the beach with you and drink uninterrupted margaritas x
This is very true and I have felt like this a lot. I follow a parenting support site from America called Hand in Hand and they encourage parents to get together in Listening Partnerships. It gives you the time and space to offload! I have to say though I have found it really hard to get one going here! We really don’t seem to support each other in the way that we could and just some regular time to be listened to about his would be great.
Thanks Tracy, I’m going to check that out! H 🙂
I love the way you’ve put it all up. Well don’t fret because I am a mean mummy too and there are many more like us. I believe in being a mommy first and maybe later being a friend.
Thanks Bhawna 🙂
Next time you’re close to york pitstop with us – puppy and baby (both 14months) – come and add to the chaos and us mean mamas can emit smoke from our broomsticks to a fashion.
OMG this is spot on! I have a 4 year old, 3 year and a 6 month old and I’m at breaking point? I get undermined and I feel so unappreciated it’s unreal. I ask my hubby to just two things… feed the baby and bath the boys while I take time out for myself to exercise to loose weight! Knowing full well that I’m not happy with myself, instead of encouraging me, I get the look? So, I bath the baby and the boys and then feed the baby to the loose all motivation to exercise??? I’m tired of being the bad mummy that says ‘no’ I’m tired of feeling unappreciated and yes I certainly get the days where I could easily pack a bag and run? I love being a mummy but I hate being unappreciated.
Loved this! I’m a mum to a 16 and a 13 year old, both of whom I homeschool ( don’t ask me why today) today, so far, I have changed the bedding, tried to work out how you find the friggin diameter of a stupid piece of clay thats supposed to be the sun and cleaned up cat sick. Today. I. Hate. Being. Mum. Yes, granted, I get to stay at home all day but you know what? I’d rather go and do some plumbing with my husband than listen to the drivel I’ve listened to today. So yes. In answer to your question, I do want to piss off with a margarita. Thank you. Goodbye.
Liz x
Loved this! I’m a mum to a 16 and a 13 year old, both of whom I homeschool ( don’t ask me why today) today, so far, I have changed the bedding, tried to work out how you find the friggin diameter of a stupid piece of clay thats supposed to be the sun and cleaned up cat sick. Today. I. Hate. Being. Mum. Yes, granted, I get to stay at home all day but you know what? I’d rather go and do some plumbing with my husband than listen to the drivel I’ve listened to today. So yes. In answer to your question, I do want to piss off with a margarita. Thank you. Goodbye.
Liz x
I’m not a parent but can relate a bit. I’m a nanny. Sometimes my 6 year old says ‘your a lot stricter than mummy and daddy, they always say yes to me’ or sometimes I have got the ‘you’re mean’ comment. I don’t want them having chocolate and tv on demand. I have to put them to bed! The undermining can be a pain in the arse – but I have to bite my tongue and pray and hope they still behave well with me once they realise if mummy or daddy say yes, I am then ignored.
Parenting sounds so hard but it seems like you’re doing a great job!
I don’t have kids myself but I know plenty of people who hate being deemed as the mean parent, the one who says no to things, but the kids will learn in time that it isn’t you being mean x
Aww sending you a big hug, I bet it is hard when you have to keep saying no to things, I hope you get a break soon 🙁 x
I totally get it. My son is only 7 months old but my husband makes me feel like the mean mommy. Last week I told him (before he got a chance to challenge my decision) that if he said one word I was running away from home. He looked at me funny but didn’t say anything. After doing that for a week he started getting a little funny about it because he started to worry I am serious. I refuse to tell him I am not. After reading your situation I sent him your page. We shall see what he has to say tonight.
Motherhood is one of those thankless tasks but on times it’s also great! Lock yourself in your bathroom, grab a bottle of gin and enjoy 🙂
Totally feel you right now- I shall save you a sun lounger!
Yes! Absolutely! Right now, actually, I would like nothing more than to go and hide in the cupboard under the stairs just to get five minutes peace. But I can’t, because its full of junk. ?
So I’m clinging on with dear life until tomorrow when I get a few hours to myself.