Are you sick of mothers being vilified for leaving their children for a reasonable amount of time while they pay for petrol or grab some milk? I am.
Oh I’m getting so sick and tired of seeing this topic bursting from every mum/mom/mama group and forum, news columns internationally and on my TV. Talk about the media sensationalising an otherwise dull topic.
Hands up who knows the answer to this question: Do you leave your child in a hot car, alone, for a period of time, while you go off to do something? If you answered no, you clearly know how to parent from this angle. Well done. If you answered yes, well then my friend, you are in need of a parenting class or two.
Unfortunately the media has suddenly decided that we don’t know this – we know not to leave our dogs in the car on hot days, or any day in fact, for more than a few minutes but we have, as a collective of mothers, suddenly decided that leaving children in the car is a-ok. As a result we are now seeing discussion boards and news stories about women who a being vilified for running into the petrol station and not taking their 4 children (all under 5) out of the car with them, across a busy forecourt, to pay. Are you kidding me? Or the poor woman who ran into a local (very small) shop to buy her son some earphones while he was sat merrily playing on his iPad in the car… she was gone all of 4 minutes (it was timed for her court charges!!!) and he was fine. Parked in shade, cool day, happy child. The real issue came 2 years later after the court proceeding and her subsequent community service when he couldn’t sleep the night through because he thought ‘the police were coming to take mommy away again’ You can read that particular story here.
Wake up people. No one in their right mind leaves their kids in the car for periods of time, while they swan off to do a Morrisions weekly shop. That is neglect. That is wrong. And guess what, we all know that!
Here is what most mothers do: We make rational decisions based on our children who we know and love, the length of time we are going to be leaving the car and whether we will have a view of the car or not. I recently came across this extremely ‘helpful’ site from the US that explains why we can’t leave kids in the car EVER for even a split second. The site lists things like children being involved in accidents, locking parents out of the car, over heating… on and on. What they don’t list is the statistics for children being killed in car parks, children being snatched after running off in the store, the potential risks of children over heating outside in the sun outside of the car… if we have this mentality we will never do anything ever again. Everything has a risk.
Surely common sense would tell us that it is more dangerous to take our children out of a car at a petrol forecourt or busy shop car park, than to leave them (often sleeping) for a matter of moments? Last year 107 children were killed and more than 5000 seriously injured as a result of a collision with a car, but an average of 38 children per year are killed from being left in the car. Now don’t misunderstand me – the number for that should be 0, but how many of those children do you suppose were left for under 5 minutes while their mothers could still see the car, or were even just inside the store? Exactly.
This is just one of a million threads on Mumsnet that I found discussing this, some women don’t do it at all, the majority have the same rule I do – under five minutes and I can see the car, I leave them. Some women are citing the legality of the matter, people having their children taken away etc etc. Get a grip. Whatever happened to common sense parenting?
Ok, taking a step back, if you are leaving your child to go into a supermarket that you maybe aren’t familiar with, or it’s a large supermarket and could take you a time to reach the milk, that isn’t ok. If you are running in to the supermarket to grab a whole bunch of stuff for dinner, that isn’t ok either, but to grab some milk on a four minute trip where you can see the car the whole time? What is going to happen? Alien abduction?
I also think that a defining factor in this topic is knowing your own children, something that the lady in this article seems to agree with me on. I don’t leave Toby in the car while I pay for petrol anymore, I take him out because he gets upset if it is just me and him (if Roo is there, he is happy to wait). It isn’t good for him to be hysterical and strapped in, it’s not healthy for him at all, so I wouldn’t do it. If he was asleep I probably would. Each situation has to be assessed separately, with good old fashioned common sense applied.
What do you think? My summary: No child should be left ANYWHERE, including a car, unattended for more than a matter of minutes… but no mother should be vilified for paying for petrol and letting a sleeping toddler sit in the car for less than five minutes within view.
Harriet x
Totally agree, us mums can only do our best! A few weeks ago my daughter had a sickness bug and was throwing up everywhere! I had to pick my son up from school…. I couldn’t take my daughter in with me. So I parked at the closest entrance I could and ran to get my son. The majority of the time we just have to choose the lesser of 2 evils.
Amen to that!
I personally would not and so far have not. It’s not because of the child but because of me. I know that in my petrol station (the cheapest one ?) , my car could be bumped or jumped in and stolen long before I could run back to it and I just couldn’t live with that. In fact one lady in my town had hers stollen with baby in back but luckily it was opportunist crime rather than kidnapper so when he heard cry he stopped car and ran!
Having said that though I can never say never and there may come a time one day when I have too for some reason. For me, everyone makes their own chouses and decisions and as long as they are sensible no one else should force a style of patenting onto you.
I agree. Case by case scenario. Very short time period. Car in sight at all times. I’ve run into the same situation with sleeping kids in the car- and I just needed to pay for gas inside. So instead of waking them up, I go to a full service gas station- which costs a few cents more. I agree with you though. It is sad what it has come to, but we can’t ignore that action could be taken against those that even try to skip in to the gas station for under a minute. The world is a very different place than it used to be; even from 10 years ago. You know how the saying goes; 1 rotten apple ruins the bunch.
I would leave Boo in the car for a few minutes, I think she’s much safer strapped in the car on a forecourt than dragged about by me, and she’s happy about it too- it’s up to the parent and the fact they know their child!
I also have very fond memories of being a ‘tween and enjoying being left in the car to read rather than trawl around the supermarket for half an hour. However that was over 20years ago when life was a little more relaxed, certainly can’t see me doing that with Boo. Once again common sense is passed over ?
Left my son and nephew in the car outside school once, took my 5yr old daughter in kissed her goodbye, turned and saw my son stood behind me with a huge grin on his face, he was 3 at the time (now 12 and 10) ….was mortified, he’d even left the car door wide open….didn’t do that again….still kept them in car at petrol station though…..we laugh about it now!!!!!
Oh I bet you were – tinker!
I leave my children if I’m paying for petrol but that’s it. Although I can’t remember the last time I did that as I try to get it when I’m alone straight after work. I don’t really go many places anyway so it’s no issue. If I pop by the local shop on the way back from school run I bring them in with me, it’s a pain but it’s a busy shop with people coming and going all the time and I’ve seen parked cars hit before out side.
I think that’s really reasonable!
I totally agree, I never leave my kids, but at the petrol station it is so much safer to let them sit, belted in in the car!
Oh ffs I always leave my kids in the car – I have 3 under 5 – who the hell would risk getting em out of the car to run in a pay (I do try to use pay at pump, but it doesn’t always happen).
World’s gone crazy – totally agree with you! xxx
I leave my kids in the car – this article is so right! It’s all about common sense – of course you wouldn’t leave your kids out of sight, but at a petrol station – the world needs to get a grip and it’s people like anon (opinionated and brave!) that obviously don’t have any wee ones or are just absolutely obsessive parents who will end up with neurotic children who can’t cope in life. How pathetic.
This person is just looking for attention dont listen to it NEVER LEAVE YOUR CHILD IN THE CAR.
If they want to kill their kid so be it but we dont.
The other day some lady hit 5 different cars in the carpark. What if that was your child in one of them cars while you were inside just getting milk. Why put your childs life in risk. Sorry but I dont want my child dead unlike you whom either dont have kids or dont care about them.
I think thats a very silly and aggressive response to an article. If you knew the blog you would know I do in fact have two children and one on the way. The response via some of my other contact pages has been overwhelming agreement with the article, with a lot of disagreement too. I guess its something that we disagree on as parents in general. My view – if you can see the car, then your child is fine.