There’s been a bit of a debate recently in the media about leaving your children alone for any length of time and the legality of it. When is it a crime to leave your kids alone?
Every time the weather starts to warm we hear the horror stories of children being left in cars for lengths of time and suffering horrific injuries or worse, but there isn’t any clear guidelines in the UK as to what constitutes neglect and how long you can leave your child – be it in the car, at home or else where. I always thought it was illegal o leave anyone under the age of 16 but there is no law, there are guidelines: anyone under 16 shouldn’t be left over night and anyone under 14 shouldn’t be left for more than a few hours. The rest is up to the discretion of the local social services and police.
In a recent survey, reports suggested that over half of the police forces in England had made arrests based on neglect for parents leaving their child under 12 in the home of car alone for under an hour. In one instance a case had been thrown out of court by a thoroughly pissed off judge because the man was on trial for neglect after leaving his child in the car, mid winter, for under 10 minutes to pop into the chemist to collect medicine for the child’s ailment. Now you tell me in what reality people really think you need to take a child out of the car for under 15 minutes to take them into the cold (I can understand in summer, even 10 mins is too long in heat) to grab them medicine? What happened to common sense? The other cases included common cautions for leaving kids in the car at a petrol station… A petrol station?? What the fuck? Who takes their kids out f the car at a petrol station?
The more prevalent point to this debate was that it is not illegal to leave your child under 12 home alone… Should it be? Truth is, I don’t know. I do know a few people with children between the ages of 10 and 13 who do leave their kids while they pop to the shop for milk or grab a take out. Never for more than an hour. I know some parents who would fill their kid at the very thought of that – it would be an unspeakable act of stupidity in their eyes.
For me, I guess it depends on the circumstances. I leave Toby and Edie in the locked car on the school run. I’m not apologising for it and refuse to be made to feel bad – I am within viewing distance of the car until I go through the gates (which takes all of 2-3 mins) and more to the point, Edith will usually only sleep in the car, so do I wake her up to walk up 200 yards and collect her brother? Hell no. Sorry, it’s not logical. Obviously it goes without saying that this is a different scenario in summer, fortunately it doesn’t get very hot here but when it is above a certain temperature none of my children are in the car unattended or without air con. So when they are 11/12, I can really see myself being that mum that nips out and leaves them, despite the thought making my toes curl right now.
To put another spin on this, I read a thread once in a mummy group on Facebook that really has stuck with me. A mother of 3 young children asked the question should she leave her 3 month old asleep in their rocker (strapped in of course) to walk her 5 year old to the end of her drive away and two houses width (she clarified about 30 meters) up the street to drop him off for the school bus. Pretty simple question, but wow. What a crucifixion she was given! In her defence, this was the only time baby slept and if he/she were interrupted then there was hell to pay. It was only literally out of the door and down the road – yet people told her they were going to report her, she was evil and (like the delightful commenter on this post I wrote last year) she clearly didn’t care if her child died. Ouch. Guess what? I’m all in favour of leaving the baby in the house, I don’t see the problem.
Maybe that shows what type of mother I will be when the one comes to decide whether I can leave the kids alone in the house or not?
Either way, I think we need a stricter legal system to help us understand the boundaries – at least that way our legal system wouldn’t be bogged down by bullshit cases like the aforementioned chemist case.
What are your views? Is it a no go? Or are you chilled out and relatively relaxed about leaving your kids?
H x
Brilliant post, Harriet. And it is definitely a tough subject. That is awful about the father who was arrested for leaving his child in the car whilst he popped into a chemist to get medicine. Surely, the police have better things to do. I don’t think there is a definitive answer. I believe that there need to be clearer legal guidelines. But until then I think that common sense needs to prevail an parent’s need to do what they feel is right in the circumstances. Hugs Lucy xxxx
I couldn’t agree more Lucy, its such a personal thing and really common sense – some kids are fine, others not. It’s subjective! Thank you for the lovely comment! H x
I think I was about 14 when I used to stay at home while my parents did the weekly shop. I certainly think that there should be a law put into place though to determine length of time. X
Thanks for the comment Viki! H x
I think it depends on the child and the circumstances, but I think there should be clearer guidelines as to what age kids can be left alone x
I agree Emma 🙂 H x
I think it is all common sense really. Someone at my girls’ school leave their kids in the car to pick up her other child from school and in one way I don’t like it because she can not see the car because there is a huge wall and she doesn’t pick up and go straight back to the car, she will stand and chat. However, I would never judge her on it. I wouldn’t say she is neglecting, not at all. It’s her choice. I’ts not like she is leaving them in there for a long time.
I understand with petrol station etc! Also it is dangerous for kids at a petrol station!
With babysitting I think us parents come to a time were maybe we feel it’s right and we trust them. x
I totally agree Beth – it’s within each parent’s comfort zone isn’t it? So if we have a clearer guideline for SS then no one will end up prosecuted for something inane! H x
I’ve had other Sch mums complain to the head when I’ve done exactly as you have in winter and left sleeping baby/tot in car and ran son into his class. The head threatened me with social services. If the other mums were so concerned, one would think they would offer to stay w the child in the car. Especially seeing as I have mobility issues and can’t lift baby in/out of car easily.
Well… what a twat! I hate that you were threatened Hazel! It seems so silly! H x
I think it’s one of those things that is so dependent on the child. Where were now live, in the US, once my eldest starts Middle School (in 18mo, so he’ll be 11) most kids walk to and from school with their friends, not parents. It’s partly to do with start/end times making it logistically difficult if you have kids at Elementary, but we live in a town where this is the norm, and kids are trusted from 10/11 to be alone for short periods. Having said that, there are huge issues in the US with lack of guidance too, and I have read a lot about ‘free range parents’ getting into trouble for letting their kids go to the park etc. alone or leaving kids in cars. The guidance is so unclear that it comes down to (at times questionable) discretion on the part of cops/people who report children as being left alone. My son is pretty sensible and although the thought of him walking (all of 7 minutes!) to school on his own makes me nervous, we’re already working on getting him ready for it, and we will let him. I’m not sure how I’d feel if he was less sensible/mature..! But, I do believe kids needs to be trusted and given some freedom, they do need to learn how to be responsible…
See I believe that too Sara, though I’m a way away from having to make the decision! If it could just be clearer so that the legal system couldn’t make decisions different from one another, that would make life so much easier for parents. H x
I wouldn’t say I’m chilled out about leaving the kids but I certainly wouldn’t leave them for any lengthy amount of time. I’ve left one on the car whilst popping in a small shop for milk which took about 2 minutes and I felt insanely guilty. I agree with you,I think the legal system around it all should be clearer x
I think that maybe if it was a bit firmer as to what you could and couldn’t get in to trouble for it would make it easier for parents to determine. H x
I’m not sure about a stricter legal system, because I think a lot of it comes down to the child’s maturity as well as their age. I was left from quite young, and by 11 was happy to, and was responsible enough to get myself home from school and wait for my mum to get back from work a couple of hours later. However, there are some children I know of that age which I wouldn’t dream of leaving on their own because they wouldn’t be responsible enough.
I agree there Shannon. I think for me, the most important thing would be to maybe have a stricter idea of what you would and wouldn’t get into trouble for. At the moment the guidelines aren’t followed by social services, which is what leads to court cases like the man who left his kids to go into the chemist – utterly stupid and thrown out by a thoroughly pissed off judge, what a waste of tax payer money. So if we had a more rigid idea of what you could and couldn’t do, it would stop the SS from doing that kind of thing. H x
I don’t like the idea of leaving Blake for me I think it definitely depends on different circumstances.
It really does doesn’t it?! My kids are too young to leave home alone, yet I wouldn’t take them out of the car at the petrol station… It’s a toughie! H x