This was last week when Edith simply wouldn’t let me work – I found the whole day so stressful but now, looking from this perspective, how much longer will she need me this way?
Last week my family had a bit of a shock. My mum’s twin brother was taken seriously ill and admitted to hospital. Sadly, we are in the North of England and they are right Down in Devon, so getting through was a feat in itself, but mum wasn’t about to leave her twin hanging and she did journey down. You may have been able to tell, if you have been keeping up with the blog and some of my other posts for places like Selfish Mother or MOM, that I have been having a bit of a rough time with things lately.
There has been such unnecessary drama from extended family, Edith has been teething, my car accident has been brought back into focus with police interviews conducted and insurance hooplas, and just generally no sleep. I’ve been insanely grumpy, I’ve been stressed and tense, but all of a sudden I feel like I’ve been pathetic. Genuinely, heart wrenchingly pathetic. When something happens in life that transcends the day to day and reminds us how fleeting this life is, it’s time to stand up and listen. I’m so very blessed. I have three wonderfully challenging, charismatic children, a husband who sends me text messages to tell me I’m his best friend and he loves me, a mother who supports my every effort and is such a loving and compassionate woman and friends who make me smile and hold my hand when I tell them I need them.
I’m not saying I think it’s wrong to feel sorry for yourself, I don’t, but you know, when you look at your life and you are feeling depressed during parenting and overwhelmed, you really have to step back and ask yourself, is it all that bad? I have never been close to this particular Uncle, but my Mum has and is, it’s her twin and they have a connection that transcends distance. To see my mum so desperately upset this week made me stop and think – what do I have to complain about? I am so blessed.
Life has a funny way of reminding you of your blessings. It’s short, painfully, bitterly short. I’m going to blink and my children will be grown, or God forbid, I’ll blink one day and they will be snatched away. Yes, I will moan, and yes I will feel sorry for myself with my perfect little household when it’s overwhelming me and I’m struggling cope but, I guess what I’m trying to say in this very roundabout and inarticulate way, is that the ones I love are here now, they are beautifully healthy and everything else is surely just gravy. I’m going to enjoy them with a renewed vigour.
Do the same.
H x
Hi Harriet, great article but i just wanted to add that although taking a step back and realising what you have is great, for some this still can’t lift the black fog that is depression.
I think it’s so important for those mums (or dads) that are feeling down not to feel guilty about their feelings but to talk to someone. Depression can be a really lonely place and with children fighting it can be tough as you’re already exhausted.
Although it’s a scary step admitting you’re no longer feeling yourself and maybe aren’t coping with the everyday stresses and strains of life, seeing your GP can help you. Whether it’s with counselling or medication, you can then start to feel ‘normal’ again and continue being the best mum you can be for your kids.
I think there’s such a stigma around depression still even in 2016, so people are often scared to admit how they’re feeling / not coping but the more normal it becomes the easier it will be for people to ask for help X
Thanks Lucy, I do realise that. I think it’s important to reflect on the positive (a technique I know they use with people suffering depression) though I fully understand this isn’t enough. I think for me this post was more aimed at people having a really, truly awful day/week/month. It goes without saying that should you feel you are really suffering with depression then you need to ask for help. H x