During my pregnancy with Toby we went over so many names, it was crazy.
This is a really interesting topic for me, especially now we are hitting the name books and trying to decide what to call our third child. It’s no easy feat to decide your child’s name – we spent hours upon hours discussing (arguing) about it, and we only came to a decision once the boys were born.
I was sent an article by my mother in law (you can read it here) about the impact that names can have on a child’s future and I didn’t find it surprising to know that over the last 70 years researchers have been trying to gauge how names have impacted the careers, social experiences and lives in general of the bearer. What I did find surprising was that just about everything seemed to be influenced by name, from children with A/B names grading higher in exams than those with D/E names (statistically relevant or just coincidence?) or that employers in the US, according to a study undertaken in 2003, have been more likely to employ someone if they have a traditionally ‘white’ name as opposed to a traditionally ‘black’ name… isn’t a name just a name?
I have come up against this name prejudice myself, certain names I have liked I have been told by friends or even family, wouldn’t suit my baby because they are ‘black’ names, ‘too common’, ‘too random’ or even ‘it’s a bit posh/wet/wimpy/flouncy’. Where do we get off as a society judging people by a name – don’t we preach to our kids not to judge a book by the cover? And isn’t a name like the cover of a book, it’s the person behind it that matters?
I can understand name associations – we all have associations, and when we are discussing (arguing about) names I always thank my lucky stars neither of us are teachers. It’s normal to say things like, ‘I’m not keen on that name because it reminds me of a child who bullied me at school’ or ‘It’s an ex partners name and I have bad memories’. To me, that is a plausible reason to not want to use a particular name, but did you know that a study conducted at Oxford university between 2008 – 2013 showed that the correlation of the first names between students in attendance and the general population of the same age bracket didn’t match up. Girls with the name Eleanor, Anna or Katherine were far more likely to attend than girls named Stacey, Kayleigh or Jade, and for boys Peter, Simon and Richard were in high attendance in comparison to Connor, Reece or Shane. The conclusion was that Eleanor is a more popular name amongst the higher classes of society than Jade, and that the opportunities that were presented to those different classes were not equal – but I find it upsetting that names are associated with class as well as everything else. I wondered what position does Reuben or Tobias lie in – maybe we should try to mimic classic names that are associated with higher social standings in order to secure a foot in the door for our kids? Scary huh?
I also read in the article that we are starting to value individualism as a society more, meaning that we are trying to choose names that aren’t so popular, I’ve been guilty of this too, but does it show that we are more focused on what other people name their children than we should be?
So what do you think, are baby names everything? Would you think differently about a child if they were called Blasé as opposed to George? Do you think that some parents are down right cruel with their kids names or is it simply a matter of taste?
Harriet x
i do think that there still is a prejudice and am thankful that I didn’t go with some of the name choices I had for my boys as they’ve since been considered quite chavy. My older 2 have unusual names simply because my husband & I have really boring ones and we hate them.
Its such a shame isn’t it Ali! I really wish we could knock it on the head but I doubt we ever will. H x
Great post, definitely something to think about. I think with the Oxford one, it’s not that they are being judged by their names, it’s just more likely that these people come from private education, which in turn means they tend to come from more affluent families, and generally, these families seem to choose more traditional names, I do think it’s kind of cruel to give a child a name that is a bit of joke (North West being a good example). How much would that child get teased in a normal school? I think if you wouldn’t want to be called something, then you shouldn’t saddle your children with it.
Debbie
I think that is a good way of looking at it Debbie – if you wouldn’t want it as a name, don’t give it as a name. My only issue with always worrying what a child may or may not be bullied over is a tough one because, when I was younger I went from a private school where my name was considered “normal” to a state school where everyone teased me for being “posh” partly because of my name. I was the only Harriet in the school. Of course now, it has come back around and is a popular choice. Its a toughie! H x
What a great post. I totally agree but name prejudice is a fact of life so it’s up to us to raise our children to defy any negative expectation their name might carry and hope that society advances enough to look beyond the first line of the CV! I had a friend at an old job who was offered her position based on her CV without an interview. She was brilliant at it but a couple of years later her boss let slip they’d hired her expecting a blonde Chelsea girl and what they got was an “Amazonian” black girl with dreadlocks and an eyebrow piercing – her name was Octavia Parker-Jones.
Thank you Anna – wow that is amazing! Its so disappointing that still in a modern society a woman would feel the need to change her name in order to secure a position – but a name does act as a first impression! Thanks for this really interesting input. x
I think the name you chose for your child is hugely important as they will be living with it for their whole life and whether we like it or not it is one of the first things that people use to make a decision about what we might be like. People do judge books by their covers although I am on the fence as to whether this is right or wrong. I do however think it is very unfair, if not downright unacceptable to name our child some ridiculous name as is popular with some celebrities. They might think it funny or clever to name their child something very different but it is not them who will have to carry that name with them all their lives. Some may have the personality to do that – others may not.
I think a name is everything for three people: the child and the parents. Everyone else literally does not matter. You and your partner and that child live with that name daily. Pick whatever you like. Being a black person, I get offended often when people say a name is too black, because what exactly does that mean? If we choose names that we love and that carry real meaning to us, then we’ve done that part of the job. The more important part is not raising a twat for a human. Hehe
Sherisa, what a fantastic and true way to put it! I too find it incredibly offensive, my son is Reuben and we were told that was a ‘black’ name and I also liked a few names that a colleague of my husband referred to as ‘gay’. Utterly offensive and appalling. Thanks for your comment 🙂 x
Sadly name prejudice is still alive and well, especially in corporate America. I can’t tell you how many people my husband has shocked when they thought he was going to be Caucasian at work.