Is shyness inherent? A Nature vs nurture debate.

I have to wonder, are some children just naturally predisposed to shyness? It’s something that has been playing on mind lately because Edith appears to be a shy child, despite her brother’s being naturally outgoing. Is it a nature thing or has her nurture been different? It makes for an interesting nature vs nurture debate right?

I suppose it’s a bit like a post I read on Babyccino Kids a few weeks ago about naughtiness in children, where Courtney asked if people felt some children were naturally naughtier than others or if it was a case of them being given more leeway. I’m genuinely not sure whether Edie is naturally shy or if it is her clinginess to me that makes her so, and if so, is that because my parenting has been to allow her to cling to me, to give in to here more?

What really started me thinking is the way that Edie is with relatives that she doesn’t see all the time, or for that matter friends who she sees every so often. The boys were always very forward, unless they were feeling especially grumpy and clingy, anyone could pick them up and give them a cuddle. They really weren’t fussed, and even now they are confident and certainly not cautious of strangers or acquaintances, which can be a bit of a double edged sword. Edith is a different kettle of fish. She is very timid around friends, family and even sometimes family members she lives with. The only people who haven’t been recipients of her shyness are me and Reuben. Even Daddy gets the cold shoulder from time to time and her little hands are reaching out for me, seeking for reassurance and affection.

I do feel that I have allowed Edith to get away with far more than the boys, if she cries I pick her up, if she wants reassurance she gets it and I’m far more likely to indulge her if she doesn’t want to go to other people. We come up against this most when my in laws or her godparents want to hold her, and she just doesn’t want it, for no reason other than she needs time to adjust to them being there and decide whether she wants to have a cuddle or not. We had a rather amusing moment when my father in law picked her up from behind and she was all smiles until she realised that it was him and not her Daddy. Her face was a picture and she immediately pushed herself down.

It isn’t that she doesn’t know them, she sees them a couple of times a month (there or thereabouts) so what is it that makes her timid and shy? Is it a natural thing for some children?

I find her natural shyness endearing, and the coyness that goes alongside it. She looks up under her eyelashes and sweetly smiles in a timid way. I love it! After a short while she comes around and will join in the fun with everyone else. As far as nature goes, I am naturally shy, I don’t especially like social situations and I’ve had to force myself to overcome this over time. Despite being a social media butterfly and blogger by trade, in not into social situations and really do get quite nervous before hand. I would be at my happiest alone, in a library or cafe with a book, coffee and cake. Especially cake. Put me in a room full of people I don’t know and I have to work hard to cope with it all and relax. Interestingly this is the total opposite to Adam, who is an absolute social animal, taking anything in his stride and relishing social situations. Ever since I have known him, he has delighted in meeting new people, started new jobs without so much as a trickle of sweat and really enjoyed the challenge of making new friends.

So, are you naturally shy or do you think it’s nurture? What about kids?

H x