Becoming a stay at home Dad by TobyandrooDad

No, I’ve not undergone a sex change, Tobyandroodad is my husband Adam, who is launching tobyandroodad.com when we FINALLY get some time to finish it off and sort ourselves out. In the mean time, if you want to see how he’s adapting to family life as a stay at home parent and the one in charge of the day to day, then you can follow along with him on Instagram at @tobyandroodad. I asked him to guest post for me as SO many of you have made requests and asked to hear how he is getting on and how he’s finding it. We made the leap into him being at home and leaving employment back in Jan and I can honestly day that, despite ups and downs, despite me having the same expectations that I place on myself – they be too high peeps, that is why I’m always so stressed – and getting grumpy with Adam for not being Mr Errand instantly and not knowing every single job I would do in his shoes, I think we’ve really found something that works for our family. Here’s how he’s feeling…

I’m now a “house husband”, a “stay at home dad”, whatever you want to call it, that’s what I’m doing. I’m officially unemployed and taking over the role of looking after the household affairs, children and … well, it’s definitely different. With that in mind, how’s my life changed?

It’s a strange one really, I’ve gone from being a hotel manager working over 100 hours a week, to a wine merchant traveling all over Yorkshire to talk to customers day in and day out, my car radio blasting out my own music (occasionally slipped a bit of Moana in there but we don’t need to talk about that…). Most weeks I would do wine tasting and daily office paperwork – the ordering, the filing… the mundane but simple tasks that gave a day a sense of doing.

Forget the long hours, the humdrum of paperwork and awkward customers, this dad life has to be the hardest and equally most rewarding “job” I’ve ever had… I know, I know it’s not a job, just a life filled with tasks; some little ,some big but the new routine and having to put the 3 small humans before myself in a morning is tough. When I used to get myself ready, then give kisses and leave, life was SOOOOO much easier! Even if I knew the day at work was going to be an absolute ball ache of a day, I knew I would finish at 5pm and switch off on the drive home,  yet I’ve come to realise over the last few months that there is no drive home now, no time for just me!

Everybody needs “me time”, it perks you back up, it makes you feel lucky to be in the situation you’re in everyday and gives you something to look forward to, yet as a parent who is responsible and constantly the one under pressure to assure that LIFE happens, it’s almost impossible to come by. I love doing the school run, we have our favourite songs on, sing, play games, talk about the exciting things that run through a 7, 5 and 3 year old’s heads at that time of the day – it’s possibly one of the highlights of my day. Yet what I’ve come to notice is that the drive back from and to school really is my only time alone, I’ve gone from being in a job that had a consistent daily quota of alone time, driving about, working in the warehouse or office, and suddenly, nada. I am daddy, 24/7. I am on call if they are ill, needed if they didn’t pick up that PE kit that they were asked to 456 times. The school drive is around 15 minutes ( I need to find a longer route).

I have no issues with the daily house work: hoovering, making beds, being a barista for Harriet but often get lost in the “what the hell am I supposed to do now?” frame of mind. Once the jobs that I can see are done, what am I supposed to do with the rest of my time? I check the usuals on my phone: twitter, instagram, book of face… then what to do? I know there’s always jobs or stuff to do but it’s all very new and my mind goes blank! If I suggest that I’m not sure what to do next, the overwhelming amount of things Harriet can throw back at me, after years of doing this “job” seems to be never ending, and almost insurmountable.

The routine of day to day life passes then it’s pick up time from school and I feel like the day has wasted away, so what to do about this blank space? I’ve set myself little goals to fill the day: set up Reuben’s transformers so when he gets home he can go straight in to story mode and battle away, having Toby’s train track set up in a new layout or even changing Edith’s dolls dresses so she has something to change back when she’s home and get thoroughly pissed off with me!

But is that the stay at home parent thing to do?

I’m suspecting the answer is no and I’m seriously missing out a pile of things to do beyond laundry, cleaning and school stuff… I guess I’ll work it out from the lists that Harriet has started making, did she really do all that in one day though?!

Adam 🙂